Dear Friend,
I thought of you today, and i thought i would share this thought and memory that i thought of today. So obviously I didn’t just come into this world with out a mother. I was just driving back from another amazing weekend in Fort Collins when I was driving down the road and a bumper sticker caught my eye. It simply stated; “SMILE, your mother chose life”. That reminded me that every memory I have had that either included family or friends, has shaped me into whom I am today. I will first start out by telling you a little bit about my background of the fam. Well when I was 3 years old; I was sitting in the living room in our house in Albany, New York. I was headed towards the bedroom at the end of the hallway, which was my little infant brother, Nathans room. As I was walking there, I saw my mom sitting in the rocking chair hold Nathan in her arms, which was a rare sight because he had been in the hospital frequently over the course of those 9 months. As soon as I came within 10 feet away from the doorway my mother began to sob. This was not the kind of cry where I knew every thing was going to be okay, this was the kind that went so much deeper than the tears flowing from her eyes. As soon as I entered the room, she looked me in the eyes holding my helpless brother in her hands, and immediately demands that I get my dad to come upstairs, I question her with my eyes and then run to the top of the stairs and yell to my dad, (who was on a conference call) which was typical of him. My dad has always worked very hard to make sure our family’s needs are met. Which in fact, they were with even some to spare to splurge on things. I yell at the top my lungs, I had this fear in my heart, I knew something was terribly wrong with my brother, but I underestimated the situation. “DAD, YOU NEED TO COME HERE” he came to the bottom of the stairs, with the phone in his hands still held up to his ear, and looked at me with eyes of anger, but more so than anger they were filled with fear. See my brother Nathan was born with an illness called SMA, (spinal muscular atrophy) which meant that if he had lived he would have been paralyzed from the neck down. He was constantly in the hospital getting treated. They have still not found a cure for this horrific illness, and thousands still continue to die every year. My dad immediately hung up the phone and ran upstairs to me, grabbed me by the waist and carried me into Nathans room. As soon as we entered the room, we all knew instantly what had just happened. My brother Nathan Mark had just died in the arms of my mother. This was not one of those things in life that happens, and you can just look past it in a couple days. This was something that I will deal with for the rest of my life. Over the course of that year we attended many prayer sessions and counseling. We were also overwhelmed by the amount of people that would send us meals, cards and gifts. But even with all the gifts given to us, I was still not satisfied, I longed for something else. I have always grown up going to church on Sundays, but never really knew what a personal relationship with Jesus was. Over the course of the year I asked my mother many questions regarding death. I didn’t get why Jesus would take someone’s life that we loved so much, if he loved us as much as he said he does. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t He give us anything we wanted to show his love for us? Then my mom began telling me how I will be able to see Nathan again in Heaven. That thought excited me so much! She told me that all I had to do was believe that God is real, and pursue him as much as he pursues us. After I committed my life to Christ, I was still confused about why He took Nathan from us, and she began telling me that Christ didn’t come to make glory of himself, but he came here so that we would be able to glorify and experience everlasting life with God. She also told me about how our life spent here on earth, doesn’t matter if it is 9 months like my brother or over a 100 years old, what matters is our everlasting life. She shared a scripture with me that really hit me, and that was “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God-those whom he has called according to his plan.” Ever since then, It hasn’t been easy but I have finally learned and started to experience what a personal relationship with God is, and all the wonders that come from it.
Last summer, it was 11:00 pm and my best friend and I found ourselves sitting on the edge of my bed, wondering what to do, knowing that the night was still young. Todd grabbed my hand and guided me outside to his car. He told me we were going to go on an adventure. “HECK YES!!” I was thinking. I loved adventures with Toddle. We would always go on these random adventures, creating new memories that will last for years to come. We hopped in the car and took off towards rampart range, which was “the party spot”. As we were driving up on that dirt road, we came upon a sign that said “monument- 11 miles”. “Perfect”, Todd stated. I always knew when Todd said stuff like that with that mischievous look in his eyes he was up to something. As soon as I saw that look in his eyes I questioned him. “Todd, what are you up too now?” “Oh nothing, call your mom and tell her to not wait up for you, because you will be home late”. “Um, okay”, I said smiling. After I called my mom, who was freaking out by the way. We were off on our adventure. The time was now 12:45 am and we were heading down this narrow dirt road with all these curves. After a good 40 minutes, we came upon another sign. “8 miles-monument” “WHAT?” we have been driving for 40 minutes and have only gone 3 miles? I knew at that point that I would probably not be sleeping that night, and had come to terms with that thought. We continued driving down this long, dark, narrow dirt road, Todd turned up the music on the stereo and we started dancing to it. As soon as we decided to roll down the windows and enjoy the clean, crisp mountain air, we turned a corner and out of no where this kid stubbles across the road with a beer in one hand, and a cig in the other. We slowed down, to make sure he was legit and then stopped the car in the middle of the road. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he was at a party that was just down the hill. I could obviously tell because he reeked of marijuana, beer and cigs. After we encountered him, we passed by a handful of monument high school kids partying too. We finally reached our destination, which was one lonely looking gas station, smack dab in the middle of monument. Looking back on my memories with Todd, I always learn many life lessons, one of them that I learned from this particular memory is that I need to grab life my the horns, and go out and experience life, regardless of what time it is. We are only on this earth for a certain amount of time, and only God knows that. So I learned I needed to be more content with this life, and really take this life and be mysterious, and adventurous.
The First time in my life I truly felt infinite was when I spent time on top of a mountain top filled by the sights created by someone so much bigger than a box. The birds chirping, the flowers blooming, the grassy-hay poking at out backs through the soft fuzzy blankets. The mountains in near distance, the smell of recently fallen rain, the moon still evident in the brightly water colored sky. The colors so vivid they almost seemed like a fantasy. When I looked around, I am astounded by the creations in which I get to freely enjoy. I couldn’t help but look to the heavens with a thankful heart, in anticipation for what’s to come in the future.
Thank you for listening to me ramble on about life, it really means a lot.
Love always,
Me
