Dear Friend,
Wow, so many emotions, so many feeling, and not enough time to get them out, so I am writing you because I thought I would leave you tonight with just a sense of what is going on inside of my brain. Thursday is finally here, ah yes one more night and then the weekend it is ours! I don’t know if I can wait any longer, so I told myself to just go to bed, the sooner I go to bed, the sooner I get to see you! I forced myself into my bed, and shut my eyes. Sure enough, woke up at 8:20 sharp, from the faint sounds of some kind of music, I think it was techno. Whatever it was, it was constant and annoying enough to send signals to my sub conscious mind, telling it to wake up. After I got myself ready for the day, and packed up, I headed off to attempt to lessen the massive heap of homework my professors gave to me. Ah! Do they really think that we don’t have a life OUTSIDE of school? Well I do know one thing, and that is that I made a commitment that I will NEVER let school become number one priority in my life, so luckily this work is not getting me stressed. I mean it is only is school, in college who cares what grade you get, as long as you pass the class, and know that you did your personal best, while not letting it interfere with the main purpose we live here on this planet, and that is to serve our Father and Creator in heaven. Man all this thought of the importance (or non importance in my case) of school is getting me distracted. I look down at my cell phone for the time. YES! Two more hours until I am sitting in an awkwardly isolated piece of steel, speeding on this black stuff with random yellow dashes, that are suppose to symbolize some sort of importance. Saturday night rolls around, man what a great weekend this has been, yet again that doesn’t surprise me, every moment with you is so dear to my heart. So here we sit, just the two of us in this oddly shape box, filled with chemical water. You look at me, as soon as our eyes meet, my heart begins to melt and I can’t help but thank God from the bottom of my heart for blessing me which such great generosity. You slowly begin to rub my back, and shoulders. Wow, it feels like I am at a salon. After a good fifteen minutes you slowly draw back, and we stare at me with those piercing crystal clear blue eyes. The faint sounds of crickets and country music humming in the background. You grab my hands and guide my body out of the water. We then begin to dance to the soft music speaking from inside the window. Memories occupy my brain, the scents and smells of high school dances; limo rides before prom, the sweat pools on my body after a good dance session with friends. Yet all those memories combined do not compare to what is happening right now. I feel as if the world has suddenly stopped, (okay so I know it didn’t really stop, but can’t a girl just pretend?) After emotionally breaking down (in a good way, of course) I was ready for what was still to come. Most likely the usually a cuddle session, while acting like we were watching really feminine movies that I beg you to “watch” followed by sitting in pure silence just laying there with you, pondering if this is reality or if I have merely slipped into the fairytale that I have always hoped to be a part of, and then finally you tucking me in, sending our praises and thanks to the Lord above, acknowledging that we are truly blessed to have one another. After you leave the room, I get on my knees, tears filling my eyes, thanking God for giving me such an undeserved gift such as you. The next morning, I wake up from the ever-so loud, yet silent vibrate of my phone alarm. 9:03, hmm I hope you is not awake yet. Sure enough, I peek my head through the door and there you are, as innocent as the baby coming home from the hospital for the first time. I quietly tip tap over to the bed, and slip underneath the warm covers. You awaken slowly. I whisper in his ear something that has been consistently tapping at the doorway of my heart. “ I just need to know that you will be here for me always?” You reply, “Are you kidding me? That is the least of my worries, I am not letting you slip away from me, even if you tired to run away to the ends of the earth, I would seek you, you are the dream that has finally come true.” I couldn’t believe it. Yet again, I sit there in silence and ponder, this time I pinch myself to really see if this was really happening, the stinging sensation in my left wrist assured me I wasn’t dreaming. After getting packed and ready to leave, I sat at the doorway trying to convince myself that it would all be okay, if I just never went back to school. Reality hit me square in the face when you came up the stairs, forcing my American History book into my hands that I so non purposely left on the couch. I once again get into the awkwardly isolated piece of steel. I don’t want to go though, I hate it there, can I just stay in this place with you forever? You reassure me that it is all in the Good Lords timing. “Goodbye my dear, until next time. I will see you soon. It is not goodbye, just leave it at later alligator”. I sweetly kiss your forehead and head for school, I would call it “home” but it isn’t home to me, in fact what is considered “home”? Well I will get into that another time. I just thought that you of all people would understand this because you are half the reason I wake up everyday, and force a smile here at this place. So baby this is my life, my thoughts, and feelings. I wanted you to know, simply because I feel as if I cannot even begin to speak to you through words how much you truly mean to me, so I thought maybe paper would do its justice, but yet again it fails. Will I ever know to even begin to inform you, about how much you mean to me? I do not think so, but I have completely come to terms with that, simply because if I was able to voice my feelings, it wouldn’t be love coming from Him, it would be my love in the flesh, which will only last a short while. Just in case you forgot or got distracted, the reason I wrote this letter was to bring you back to the moment, and let you never forget how real it was, and may we never let go, or take for granted this undeserved gift.
Love always,
Me
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