One Final Note.

Dear friend,

I was required to read this book “The perks of being a wallflower” for my english class. I really liked the style that this book was written in, but I wasn’t a huge fan of the actual content of the book, but there are some good scenes within the story.

I really enjoyed the part in the book when Charlie was talking about feeling infinite, and what that meant to him. I was fun because when asked, I actually had the opportunity to think about my own life and what it means to feel infinite and why that moment was so special to me, when I thought about it, I actually was taken back to that particular time in my life, and It made me smile.

The part in this book that I didn’t like was when Charlie experiences weed at the party. I didn’t like that part, because it yet again just shows how corrupt this society is, and just how Charlie almost talks of it, as it is “what you are suppose to do” when you are a teenager. It just made me really sad, and think about how Charlie is like so many teenagers now, who are looking for any way to just “fit in”, and how they are willing to go to extremes because of it.

One of the most memorable scenes in this book was when Charlie and his sister went to the clinic for her abortion. I thought that this was a scene where Charlie and his sister really bonded. I believe this is a scene, in which they really appreciate one other for who they are, and understand that they are brother and sister and should love one another. When thinking about this scene it just allows me to appreciate my sister and I’s relationship. It also just reminded me of how much I hate abortion, and how sad it really is that it is a a legal choice.

The ending was nothing like I had expected, I was maybe expecting it for him to wake up and it be a dream or something. When I found out that he had been acting this way because he had been molested, and it has been by his Aunt, I was taken back. It really reminded me to really be cautious of who I am with, or when I am with them , only because this is a really life situation, it could really happened to  anyone.

Thank you for listening to me all semester, it really means so much to me. 

SIncerely,

-Hulia

Sometimes you just have those times

Dear Friend,

 

I hope this letter finds you well. I was taken back a couple of days ago, with memories of from freshman year, before my parents went through with their divorce. Before my dad had told me about this, I knew something was up. My parents just weren’t acting the same, I didn’t see the love in their eyes that used to reflect. I didn’t see the warm “hello, welcome back home kisses” or the way they said “I love you”, just for the heck of it. I knew something was up, so every time I felt like things were normal I would cherish that time like none other, I would tell myself that if I was able to “over-ride” my good thoughts with my bad reality (my parents fighting), I would be able to get through it all okay.

 

Throughout this divorce, I never thought like I was “old enough” to talk to my sister, who was a senior in high school. I mean after all I was the lame freshman sister. Before this divorce I wouldn’t really ever just sit down and talk to my sister seriously, let alone sit and cry with her. Despite our past relationship as siblings, we looked to each other for comfort, and just someone to spill our heart about this trial we were encountering. I mean yeah I had my friends to go to, but she was really the only person that knew what I was going through first hand. Over the course of that year, there were many times we would just lay on the floor in her room, and cry, laugh, and talk through this time. I can really say, that now my sister is one of my closest friends.

 

Having my sister there for me was great, I had always wondered what would I do when if she  weren’t able to be there for me whenever I needed her to be. Well I can definitely say I experienced that in august going into my sophomore year. She had gone away to college. I didn’t know what to do, I was so alone, yes I had my friends, but they weren’t the same, and I couldn’t just go to my mom and spill my heart out about it, when she was dealing with the whole situation as well, only with a whole different perspective about it. When my sister left, she said I could always go up and visit her and call her anytime, but in reality would I be able to run to her room in the middle of the night and sleep in her bed with her, and just cry? No, not at all. So that is when I turned to drinking and partying.  I did that over the first few months of my sophomore year, but I still felt this void In my life and in my heart. Luckily half way through my sophomore year, my friends took me aside and really questioned me. I knew something had to change, I knew there must have been something bigger out there. Slowly over the remaining year, I had stopped looking to substances to take away my pain, and re-devoted my life to God, and I can now say that was the best things that I could have done. Now I know that turning to a substance for fulfillment is not the answer. Only God is.  

 

I hope you found some good advice in here, I will be talking to you soon,

-Hulia

This Is Life

I put together these songs for you. I hope you like them, I was sitting at my desk thinking about life, and I was reminded of how music has such an influence on our mood, and how much words in a song actually do enter into our brains subconsciously and somewhat effect our everyday life. I put “Your love is extravagant” one there twice because I It is one of my favorites, as well as it being the most influential song on the playlist. This song sings about how unreal and incomprehensible God’s love really is.

 

 

Your Love Is Extravagant- Casting Crowns

A Lifetime-Better Than Ezra

Prodigal- Zach Crider

Unchanging- Chris Tomlin

What A Beautiful Day- Chris Cagle

War-Zach Crider

Sweetness In Starlight- Matt Wertz

God Bless The Broken Road- Rascal Flatts

I am Yours- Zach Crider

Your Love Is Extravagant- Casting Crowns

 

I hope that you find this mix to be somewhat relaxing, but at the same time allow you to think about your life, and why you are here, and what you believe you should accomplish during your life time. I hope this playlist finds you well.

 

As you know Holiday season is right around the corner, I was thinking about my family, and a

 

My dad; has a laugh that can be heard from miles away.

My sister; is such a perfectionist, she even folds her toilet paper squares perfectly before going to the bathroom.

My mom; is always looking for ways to help somebody out.

My grandma; is always nagging me about what type of health food I need to switch too, its even getting worse, last Christmas she sent me  “GO GREEN, ALL ORGANIC” bathroom cleaning solution, just to make sure I am doing my part, and saving the earth while I am cleaning my bathroom.

My uncle; knows everything there is to possibly know about anything, lets just say if you don’t know it, he does.

 

Holidays are HERE

Dear Friend,

 

I was sitting at the coffee shop looking out the window today, and I got to thinking, have I ever told you beautiful this life really is? It would be merely impossible to describe but I will try. Everything on this earth is so incredibly detailed, and so perfectly made. How can you look at these creations and not know there is something bigger in this world? I mean even every snowflake has it’s own unique shape and design. All the creatures in this world, each one carefully created with so much thought and detail. Think about the flowers, each one with it’s own vibrant color and unique scent. The many trees, tall and short, wide, and skinny, some with branches, some not, leaves changing colors, trees even know exactly when to let go of their leaves and when to keep them.

            Also while I was sitting there, I was thinking about dinner last night with my dad and my sister, we were talking about our “glory days”. She says that she is currently going through the glory days right now. The reason she says that these are her glory days is because she feels as if everything in this world is going her way, and she truly feels like nothing or no one could stop her from her pursuing her passions and dreams. That got me thinking, have I really truly experienced my glory days yet? I thought I had, back in high school, when my life revolved around putting on a skimpy uniform and cheering under the Friday night-lights, or in the hot and humid basketball gym. Looking back, was I really that passionate about cheerleading or did I just like the fact that we got almost the same amount of attention as the actual athletes of the team did? That was exactly it, I mean yes I did like cheerleading, and all the events that entailed that, but I don’t think I would really define those as being my “glory days”. When thinking about it more the way my sister did, I would define my glory days later on in my life, when I am actually pursing my everyday life with deep passion and joy, which will hopefully be in Africa serving in some type of ministry. I cannot wait for those days, where I will literally waking up in such poverty, but yet so joyful and wouldn’t have it any other way. I challenge you to figure out what your glory days are, and why you would define them so “glorious?”

            Right before I got up from my cozy chair snuggled in the corner of the coffee shop, the scent of the pumpkin spice latte spiked my nose hairs. This scent always reminds me of the holiday season. It is coming up so fast! I’m always fascinated that the holiday season creates so many memories, whether they are good or bad, the memories created during this time of year will stick with us for many years to come, if the not the rest of our lives. I remember last Christmas, we had just got done opening presents and I was super excited about that furry jacket that I got. I decided to put it on and was wearing it for a good hour. My sister and I were both just waiting for the dinner to be done, so we were just hanging out in the living room. She had just got a phone call from her boyfriend Richie, so I decided to sit by the fireplace and heat up (yes I know you had warned me about my furry hood). Yet again, I failed. Soon enough, five minutes later I was yelping for my dad and marnie to come help me because my fur had singed off from the intense heat of the fire. Never again will I wear any type of new clothing near a fireplace, especially right after I receive it as a gift from someone. I thought I would share that memory with you just because it was one of those memories that will probably never leave you, and every time you think about them you laugh harder than you did the first. I hope you are having a great day, and I will talk with you soon.

Love always

Me

Dear Family, Friends and whomever

Dear Friend,

I thought of you today, and i thought i would share this thought and memory that i thought of today. So obviously I didn’t just come into this world with out a mother. I was just driving back from another amazing weekend in Fort Collins when I was driving down the road and a bumper sticker caught my eye. It simply stated; “SMILE, your mother chose life”. That reminded me that every memory I have had that either included family or friends, has shaped me into whom I am today. I will first start out by telling you a little bit about my background of the fam. Well when I was 3 years old; I was sitting in the living room in our house in Albany, New York.  I was headed towards the bedroom at the end of the hallway, which was my little infant brother, Nathans room. As I was walking there, I saw my mom sitting in the rocking chair hold Nathan in her arms, which was a rare sight because he had been in the hospital frequently over the course of those 9 months. As soon as I came within 10 feet away from the doorway my mother began to sob. This was not the kind of cry where I knew every thing was going to be okay, this was the kind that went so much deeper than the tears flowing from her eyes. As soon as I entered the room, she looked me in the eyes holding my helpless brother in her hands, and immediately demands that I get my dad to come upstairs, I question her with my eyes and then run to the top of the stairs and yell to my dad, (who was on a conference call) which was typical of him. My dad has always worked very hard to make sure our family’s needs are met. Which in fact, they were with even some to spare to splurge on things. I yell at the top my lungs, I had this fear in my heart, I knew something was terribly wrong with my brother, but I underestimated the situation. “DAD, YOU NEED TO COME HERE” he came to the bottom of the stairs, with the phone in his hands still held up to his ear, and looked at me with eyes of anger, but more so than anger they were filled with fear. See my brother Nathan was born with an illness called SMA, (spinal muscular atrophy) which meant that if he had lived he would have been paralyzed from the neck down. He was constantly in the hospital getting treated. They have still not found a cure for this horrific illness, and thousands still continue to die every year. My dad immediately hung up the phone and ran upstairs to me, grabbed me by the waist and carried me into Nathans room. As soon as we entered the room, we all knew instantly what had just happened. My brother Nathan Mark had just died in the arms of my mother. This was not one of those things in life that happens, and you can just look past it in a couple days. This was something that I will deal with for the rest of my life. Over the course of that year we attended many prayer sessions and counseling. We were also overwhelmed by the amount of people that would send us meals, cards and gifts. But even with all the gifts given to us, I was still not satisfied, I longed for something else. I have always grown up going to church on Sundays, but never really knew what a personal relationship with Jesus was. Over the course of the year I asked my mother many questions regarding death. I didn’t get why Jesus would take someone’s life that we loved so much, if he loved us as much as he said he does. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Shouldn’t He give us anything we wanted to show his love for us? Then my mom began telling me how I will be able to see Nathan again in Heaven. That thought excited me so much! She told me that all I had to do was believe that God is real, and pursue him as much as he pursues us. After I committed my life to Christ, I was still confused about why He took Nathan from us, and she began telling me that Christ didn’t come to make glory of himself, but he came here so that we would be able to glorify and experience everlasting life with God. She also told me about how our life spent here on earth, doesn’t matter if it is 9 months like my brother or over a 100 years old,  what matters is our everlasting life. She shared a scripture with me that really hit me, and that was “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God-those whom he has called according to his plan.” Ever since then, It hasn’t been easy but I have finally learned and started to experience what a personal relationship with God is, and all the wonders that come from it.

 

            Last summer, it was 11:00 pm and my best friend and I  found ourselves sitting on the edge of my bed, wondering what to do, knowing that the night was still young. Todd grabbed my hand and guided me outside to his car. He told me we were going to go on an adventure. “HECK YES!!” I was thinking. I loved adventures with Toddle. We would always go on these random adventures, creating new memories that will last for years to come. We hopped in the car and took off towards rampart range, which was “the party spot”. As we were driving up on that dirt road, we came upon a sign that said “monument- 11 miles”. “Perfect”, Todd stated. I always knew when Todd said stuff like that with that mischievous look in his eyes he was up to something. As soon as I saw that look in his eyes I questioned him. “Todd, what are you up too now?” “Oh nothing, call your mom and tell her to not wait up for you, because you will be home late”. “Um, okay”, I said smiling. After I called my mom, who was freaking out by the way. We were off on our adventure. The time was now 12:45 am and we were heading down this narrow dirt road with all these curves. After a good 40 minutes, we came upon another sign. “8 miles-monument” “WHAT?” we have been driving for 40 minutes and have only gone 3 miles? I knew at that point that I would probably not be sleeping that night, and had come to terms with that thought. We continued driving down this long, dark, narrow dirt road, Todd turned up the music on the stereo and we started dancing to it. As soon as we decided to roll down the windows and enjoy the clean, crisp mountain air, we turned a corner and out of no where this kid stubbles across the road with a beer in one hand, and a cig in the other. We slowed down, to make sure he was legit and then stopped the car in the middle of the road. I asked him what he was doing and he told me he was at a party that was just down the hill. I could obviously tell because he reeked of marijuana, beer and cigs. After we encountered him, we passed by a handful of monument high school kids partying too. We finally reached our destination, which was one lonely looking gas station, smack dab in the middle of monument. Looking back on my memories with Todd, I always learn many life lessons, one of them that I learned from this particular memory is that I need to grab life my the horns, and go out and experience life, regardless of what time it is. We are only on this earth for a certain amount of time, and only God knows that. So I learned I needed to be more content with this life, and really take this life and be mysterious, and adventurous.

 

       The First time in my life I truly felt infinite was when I spent time on top of a mountain top filled by the sights created by someone so much bigger than a box. The birds chirping, the flowers blooming, the grassy-hay poking at out backs through the soft fuzzy blankets. The mountains in near distance, the smell of recently fallen rain, the moon still evident in the brightly water colored sky. The colors so vivid they almost seemed like a fantasy. When I looked around, I am astounded by the creations in which I get to freely enjoy. I couldn’t help but look to the heavens with a thankful heart, in anticipation for what’s to come in the future. 

Thank you for listening to me ramble on about life, it really means a lot. 

Love always,

Me

Dear Friend numero uno :)

Dear Friend,

Wow, so many emotions, so many feeling, and not enough time to get them out, so I am writing you because I thought I would leave you tonight with just a sense of what is going on inside of my brain. Thursday is finally here, ah yes one more night and then the weekend it is ours! I don’t know if I can wait any longer, so I told myself to just go to bed, the sooner I go to bed, the sooner I get to see you! I forced myself into my bed, and shut my eyes. Sure enough, woke up at 8:20 sharp, from the faint sounds of some kind of music, I think it was techno. Whatever it was, it was constant and annoying enough to send signals to my sub conscious mind, telling it to wake up. After I got myself ready for the day, and packed up, I headed off to attempt to lessen the massive heap of homework my professors gave to me. Ah! Do they really think that we don’t have a life OUTSIDE of school? Well I do know one thing, and that is that I made a commitment that I will NEVER let school become number one priority in my life, so luckily this work is not getting me stressed. I mean it is only is school, in college who cares what grade you get, as long as you pass the class, and know that you did your personal best, while not letting it interfere with the main purpose we live here on this planet, and that is to serve our Father and Creator in heaven. Man all this thought of the importance (or non importance in my case) of school is getting me distracted. I look down at my cell phone for the time. YES! Two more hours until I am sitting in an awkwardly isolated piece of steel, speeding on this black stuff with random yellow dashes, that are suppose to symbolize some sort of importance. Saturday night rolls around, man what a great weekend this has been, yet again that doesn’t surprise me, every moment with you is so dear to my heart. So here we sit, just the two of us in this oddly shape box, filled with chemical water. You look at me, as soon as our eyes meet, my heart begins to melt and I can’t help but thank God from the bottom of my heart for blessing me which such great generosity.  You slowly begin to rub my back, and shoulders. Wow, it feels like I am at a salon. After a good fifteen minutes you slowly draw back, and we stare at me with those piercing crystal clear blue eyes. The faint sounds of crickets and country music humming in the background. You grab my hands and guide my body out of the water. We then begin to dance to the soft music speaking from inside the window. Memories occupy my brain, the scents and smells of high school dances; limo rides before prom, the sweat pools on my body after a good dance session with friends. Yet all those memories combined do not compare to what is happening right now. I feel as if the world has suddenly stopped, (okay so I know it didn’t really stop, but can’t a girl just pretend?) After emotionally breaking down (in a good way, of course) I was ready for what was still to come. Most likely the usually a cuddle session, while acting like we were watching really feminine movies that I beg you to “watch” followed by sitting in pure silence just laying there with you, pondering if this is reality or if I have merely slipped into the fairytale that I have always hoped to be a part of, and then finally you tucking me in, sending our praises and thanks to the Lord above, acknowledging that we are truly blessed to have one another.  After you leave the room, I get on my knees, tears filling my eyes, thanking God for giving me such an undeserved gift such as you. The next morning, I wake up from the ever-so loud, yet silent vibrate of my phone alarm. 9:03, hmm I hope you is not awake yet. Sure enough, I peek my head through the door and there you are, as innocent as the baby coming home from the hospital for the first time. I quietly tip tap over to the bed, and slip underneath the warm covers. You awaken slowly. I whisper in his ear something that has been consistently tapping at the doorway of my heart. “ I just need to know that you will be here for me always?” You reply, “Are you kidding me? That is the least of my worries, I am not letting you slip away from me, even if you tired to run away to the ends of the earth, I would seek you, you are the dream that has finally come true.” I couldn’t believe it. Yet again, I sit there in silence and ponder, this time I pinch myself to really see if this was really happening, the stinging sensation in my left wrist assured me I wasn’t dreaming. After getting packed and ready to leave, I sat at the doorway trying to convince myself that it would all be okay, if I just never went back to school. Reality hit me square in the face when you came up the stairs, forcing my American History book into my hands that I so non purposely left on the couch. I once again get into the awkwardly isolated piece of steel. I don’t want to go though, I hate it there, can I just stay in this place with you forever?  You reassure me that it is all in the Good Lords timing. “Goodbye my dear, until next time.  I will see you soon. It is not goodbye, just leave it at later alligator”. I sweetly kiss your forehead and head for school, I would call it “home” but it isn’t home to me, in fact what is considered “home”? Well I will get into that another time.  I just thought that you of all people would understand this because you are half the reason I wake up everyday, and force a smile here at this place. So baby this is my life, my thoughts, and feelings. I wanted you to know, simply because I feel as if I cannot even begin to speak to you through words how much you truly mean to me, so I thought maybe paper would do its justice, but yet again it fails. Will I ever know to even begin to inform you, about how much you mean to me? I do not think so, but I have completely come to terms with that, simply because if I was able to voice my feelings, it wouldn’t be love coming from Him, it would be my love in the flesh, which will only last a short while. Just in case you forgot or got distracted, the reason I wrote this letter was to bring you back to the moment, and let you never forget how real it was, and may we never let go, or take for granted this undeserved gift.

Love always,

Me